things

[ladynorbert]

Lynn Johnston scares me.

I've always found it amusing that the For Better or For Worse strip is a bit of a mirror of my own life. The character of Michael Patterson could very well be a male caricature of myself. We both have two younger sisters, graduated from high school on the same day, got married in the same year, studied journalism in college, and define ourselves as writers.

My mother's father just had a massive heart attack.

His mother's father just had a massive stroke.

I'm not sure I find this funny anymore.

For anyone interested, here is the link to Pop's online guestbook. It will look, for a while, like there are no entries, but I've signed it and I'm sure other people have too -- all the entries get screened before they're posted. Feel free to leave a message; some of you left notes when my grandmother died, and my family really appreciated that.

I find it dreadfully unfair that the sun keeps shining. The way I'm feeling, it ought to just rain perpetually....but I guess that wouldn't be right either.

I thought I was going to be all right this morning, which is a laugh. But it's not entirely my own fault. One of the first things I had to do when I got here was sign a small stack of checks to pay bills, put them in envelopes, seal and stamp them. The check on the very bottom of the stack was to pay the property taxes on the parsonage. It was addressed to the tax collector. You know, my grandfather.

I still don't think I quite believe it. I keep saying it to people -- "My grandfather passed away." "He had a massive heart attack and died immediately." I saw him in the hospital, which is frankly an image I would love to blank out of my mind forever; I never in my life saw him without his teeth before, for one thing, and he just looked so....old. Shrunken and shriveled, with his big ears turning blue. And yet there's a part of me that still hasn't accepted the fact that he's gone. The whole way to the hospital, I kept turning over horrible possibilities in my mind -- Lisa crashed her motorcycle, Liza and George were in a car accident, stuff like that. Always about my sisters. It was like my brain was refusing to even entertain the most likely possibility. On some level it still is.

Comments

[ladyrazorsharp.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to see your grandfather that way. I know my last image of my grandmother on this earth was in the hospital, and all I wanted to do was get away. I was in Phoenix when my grandfather passed away, but I knew it was coming; I'd seen him at Christmas, and he was very thin and very sick (though he was still on his feet).

However...God gave me a wonderful gift a few years ago. I had a dream that I was...well, I believe, I truly believe I was allowed a glimpse of Heaven. I saw them both, younger than I ever knew them. My grandmother was working at a counter of some sort, distributing what looked like pans of food--and she was moving faster than I ever remember seeing her move, even when I was little. She was talking to everyone, knew their names, had a smile for everyone, looked like she was having an absolute blast. No one else knew I was there--it was as if they couldn't see me--until my grandpa walked in. He was so young...he looked right at me, shocked to see me. "Well, honey," he said, "what are you doing here?" He asked me if I was hungry and said he'd try and fix me something for breakfast...

It was amazing. I still miss them so very, very much, but I know I'll see them again.

My prayer is that God will bless you with peace, and give you joy that can only come from Him.

[sir-irius-black.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'll be praying for you and your family.